Alright, so I wasted the day away today. Literally. Layin' around watchin lifetime original movies. It was great. BUT I have so much crap to do so I was on edge. And I kept thinking about how I needed to continue working out. I HAVE to keep working out. It's so good for me. But it wasn't until 730 that I decided to do it. I forced myself to do it. It really is a choice. A hard choice. I could work out to relieve stress or I could sit and sulk and eat. I can heal or I cannot heal.
The amount of energy it takes to make that choice is overwhelming. But I did it. Yet again I had to push through that first mile, I hate that first mile. But I ended up kicking ass...I didn't have to stop and walk as much!!! Wooohooo. After that first mile, I recognized how good it felt...it felt so good. I miss working out. So I repeated to myself, outloud, 'remember this feeling, remember this feeling.' I have to remember that feeling because the next day, when I'm getting ready to make that choice, hopefully I will decide to make a change. It's so easy to forget how good it feels to be on top. To make that change. Enjoy that moment. It's amazing how fast you forget that feeling when you return to your regular everday activities. Don't forget it. Remember it always.
I'm lucky to have this athletic ability. Getting back into shape is so similar to healing (don't get me wrong tho, healing is sooooo much harder). I'm just going to keep telling myself to 'remember that feeling' whenever I have an off day. I hope that survivors find something similar to hold on to. To help them through the rough times.
I feel the need to report my everday workouts on this blog. I think that will help me feel obligated to continue my workouts. Cause I don't want to report that I am falling back into my hole.
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3 comments:
Huh, I never thought of using inspirational tapes. I'll have to look into that. Do you recommend any in particular?
Actually, it's funny that you ask this. Today I turned my ipod off while I was running b/c it interrupts my thinking. I'm trying to force myself to face my fears and emotions. I usually think a lot while I am running. Can't think with music on. So I turned it off today.
Alisa,
Isn't it amazing how many times throughout the day we have to choose healing or not healing? I had to choose more than a hundred times yesterday!!! and sometimes (most of the time for me lately) its such a hard choice to makE even though we know what we want/need.
and in your response to your comment, yes we MUST continue these conversations!
Take care,
Leah
OMG jess, that is so not cheesy. haha. I've been noticing the same thing. Birds, bees, frogs...etc. Nature is really amazing. It's so nice to be in tune with it.
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