Who enjoys a rainy day?

Iposted my last entry about two hours ago while I was in a crappy mood. Now I'm a bit better. I realized while I was typing that I was in a moment that I needed to push through, break through the wall, run that extra mile. Normally I would sit here and sulk in my own misery, eating everything until I was nauseous. I decided to change that. I went for a walk along the Erie Canal, a walk I have never made before. It's a rainy crappy day here in western new york but I decided to forget that and focus on my breathing while I was walking (taking advice from Angela Shelton).

At first I soaked in what was occurring in nature at the time. Rain falling on the flowers and trees, animals running around, ducks swimming in the canal. They seemed to be enjoying the rainy day. Why wasn't I?

Walking and thinking really allowed me to deal with my loneliness. Except, whenever I felt myself getting emotional, I closed myself up and held in the tears. I kept breathing. Then I realized that this is what is keeping me so messed up...I never let myself feel. I seriously have gotten so good at controlling my emotinons that when I try to embrace them, I push them away without even knowing it.

On the way back, I closed my eyes and listened to everything. The birds, the frogs, the rain. The rain sounds so pretty when if falls on the water and the leaves. Have you ever listened? That got me thinking...who decided that rainy days are gloomy days. Has anyone ever gotten out and enjoyed them. I mean really enjoyed them. There's peace when you sit and listen...and let the rain fall on your skin. While I was thinking this....I got all emotional. It made me think of Natasha Bedingfield's song, Unwritten. And then...wouldn't you know it, I CRIED. Man. I cried the first time I heard this song cause I think it speaks to survivors.

"Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten"

Feel the rain on your skin...YOUR SKIN. No one elses. They can't feel it. They can't understand it. It's yours to take in, yours to hold, and yours to express, however you wish, whenever you wish. There was harmony in nature today and I found it. Rainy days don't have to be gloomy days. Today I was having a rainy, down, crappy day. But I changed it. It was a choice. I enjoyed the rain. I took the step, walked/ran that extra mile.

Angela Shelton always talks about breathing and going on hikes/bike rides/walks etc. I wasn't sure how that would help. But it did. A lot. Thanks Angela.

When you're down, instead of eating, cutting, or whatever you do to self-injure...go on a walk. Even if it's raining. Leave the umbrella at home. And feel the rain on your skin...