Yesterday and today I have been spending time out of town. Relaxing and enjoying the weather. Last night, however, was not such a pleasant night of sleep. I had 2 dreams about my abuser. 2. Dammit. Why does he even have to ruin my sleep. I only remember the context of one of the dreams. I was begging him, literally, face to face, to give me restitution. My excuse for the restitution was so that I could have money to pay for my GREs. Doesn't make sense. I was upset at the way he treated me. Laughing at me. Laughing. I'm trying to find meaning behind this dream. But I can't. I haven't thought about confronting him, ever.
I don't know what to make of this dream. It's bothering me though.
Anyway, I'm off to enjoy another day of sunshine. I hope you all can do the same!
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2 comments:
Alisha,
The abuser is always laughing at me in my dreams. I didn't know why until recently, except for that I realized the abuse gave him a sense of power and control which he was pretty proud of himself for.
I'm not sure if you read about this in my blog - last week I saw the abuser for the first time in years, and after a stare down, he gave a cocky smile -looked like he was laughing to himself, at me- and left. This is the attitude that he always has in my dreams and I finally know why.
I know how frusturating the dreams can be - I am always grateful on the rare occasions that I wake up and haven't had dreams on him.
Anyways, take care, and have a good day... its beautiful out
Ohhhh Nika I would be soooooo pissed if I saw my abuser, especially if he still laughed about it. I hope you went home and beat the hell out of something.
I've been thinking about the dream. I think I had it because he does still have so much power over my life. At a time when I finally recognize that I need to heal, I don't have time to. I can't afford to work less. I am trying, however, to work less and spend more time on myself. BUUUUT I'm constantly on edge about money. I'm guessing that's why I had this dream. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. And he's winning.
Danielle, thanks for the advice. I'm gonna try that tonight!
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