First loves...

First loves...it's said you never forget your first love. How do you move on? How do you love again? For me, the energy it takes and the trust it takes to put into a relationship before I open up...comes once in a lifetime. And that already happened. How do I do it again?

I recently saw my ex's parents. These are people I grew up with. We were neighbors from when I was age 5 till about 11. I'm still very close with the family. I was so excited to see them that I literally was shaking...nervous/excited shaking. They would be the perfect in-laws. Not only that...everything about them, the way they talk, laugh, every mannerism, reminds me of him. *sigh*

It's pretty much drilled in our heads that you most likely never stay with your first love (or what you think is your first love) but you never forget them either. It's a unique kind of love. You remember everything good about the person. From their smell to the texture of their skin. From their eyes, nose, and hands to every shape of their muscles and crease in their skin. Sensual....

I'm pretty sure I know the answer. You can't truly love someone until you love yourself. Or at least that's what they say. I believe it. To an extent. I loved my ex whole heartedly...but I was soooo far from loving myself at the time. If only he were here now...as I'm healing. Would it have lasted if it started now? *breathe* Who knows??

How do you love yourself completely when a part of what you would love about yourself is having the ability to fall in love...again. Do you fall in love again and then love the fact that you were able to do so....thus transfering that energy into loving yourself, working on yourself? Or do you love yourself, heal yourself, work on yourself...and then have the ability to fall in love again? I'm assuming the latter is the correct answer...and the most dismal.