The philosophy of healing...part duex (I almost forgot!)

Good lord, I almost forgot the most important part of my workout today. The cool down. While I was taking my final two laps around the track, I developed this incredibly intense cramp. Not one of those cramps that you can run through. I tried that. It was one of those cramps that was like, uh excuse me hunny, you're gonna have to stop or your muscle is gonna rip. Crap. I was pissed. This cramp was about to ruin a perfectly good workout. A great workout actually.

So I stopped and walked a half a lap. While walking and attempting to breath (cuz the incredible pain would not go away), I started getting really pissed. The kind of pissed that surprises you b/c it's really not that big of deal. Only, I was so pissed b/c this pain reminded me of the kind of pain that I am feeling everyday. The pain that forces you to self-injure, to be a workaholic, to drink (which is actually the control that the abuser has over you, acting out). So I got pissed. I associated this pain with my abuser ruining my workout. I was like, you bitch...couldn't even give me the satisfaction of completing an awesome workout. So I cried. I screamed. GO AWAY. And I cried some more. And then...I laughed. I know, what the hell is going on, right?

I see this as my way of releasing all of that pent-up anger and sadness that I have been holding in, especially throughout the last week. So really, this pain wasn't ruining my workout. It was helping me move on. To take the next step. So I took the next necessary step. I ran a victory lap. Go me!