So today, I was packing and getting ready to travel to Mom's house for the weekend. While doing so, I was enjoying some celery and peanut butter. Mmmm. Thinking to myself...I looooove peanut butter. And then I had a moment. haha. I just said, I looooove peanut butter. And I realized that I am learning something about myself. I'm finding myself. One small thing at a time.
Then, less than a half hour later, while I was listening to KT's album, I realized something else about myself. I loooooove singing. haha. Even though some may be in tears, in pain when I sing. I love it. I love when musicians share their soul and allow me to share it with them. I love belting out songs in my car when I'm by myself (note: when I'm by myself). lol.
When I noticed both of these things that I love today, I realized that I am finding myself. Recognizing myself. Defining who I am.
So far, I'm a young woman who loves peanut butter and who pretends she is an unbelievable musician, with soul. I can't wait to find out what else I reeeaaaallllly love to do.
Who are you? What makes you happy?
ps: I'm traveling to see mom for the weekend : -). I'll write later.
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7 comments:
I love the stars! Have you ever just taken a moment on a starry nite to look up? I feel so small looking at that vastness of glitter and I find comfort in that small"ness"...kinda like little ole me is part of something bigger! And something about that feeling puts things in perspective on days when I feel like I have to have all the answers or I feel incapable of the things that have challanged me that day. I take deep breathes and stretch out my arms looking up at the sky I just breath the stars!!!
I hope your travels to your mom's went well. I think it's so cool that you're enjoying finding yourself and realizing who you are. When I stopped dissociating constantly, I went through that--kind of a second childhood (well I didn't really have a first one). It was rather disconcerting at first--not really knowing WHO I was--but then I started really having a lot of FUN with it! I've never written about this before. Thanks for sharing.
Today's a sad day, but I like what you said Marj. I am looking forward to finding what I may have been like as a child. What do I realllly love to do? Still working on it. It's good to know I'm not the only one feeling this way!!!
Danille,
It makes me so frustrated to hear about the way counselors work with children. I have had NUMEROUS counselors in my life...all of which have ticked me off in some way, to the point were I cease my counseling with them.
I'm sure there are some unbelievable counselors/therapists out there. I have yet to find them however.
Society let's it happen because they refuse to see what is really going on. They push the gory details to the back of their mind, just as survivors do. They have to learn how to recognize it and deal with it. Just as survivors do. Only survivors never really forget what happens. They can never fully push it away. But society can. Sad but true.
I hope one day, that the girl you speak of uses the strength she has developed through surviving these situations. I hope she finds her strength and uses it. Thanks for sharing. More people need to share their stories so society realizes the enormity of this epidemic.
You know, Lish, some day I plan to write about this process (after surviving abuse, finding out what you like and who you really are) for my blog, website, and/or book. I haven't done it yet. I think it would be a great topic for the blog carnival coming up that I am hosting--the Carnival Against Child Abuse. Any interest in participating? You can get the details at my blog. Thanks, in advance, for checking it out!
Alisha!
I love rediscovering the things that I love or have a passion for. Its an amazing process, in findinng oneself. I just realized today, I love to drive bare foot. silly, I know. But for some reason I find it awesome. LOL I linked you off of my blog, hope you dont mind. THANK you for sharing your story, and inspiring me to continue to do the same with mine!
*hugs*
Cassandra
Ooo, I love driving with no shoes also. It's kind of risky, get pulled over and you can get fined for it. Maybe that's why I like it. haha. I know, I'm a big risk taker. ha, jk. Thanks for adding me. I'll check out your blog soon. I'm at work and the internet doesn't work at home so it's slowin me down...grrr!
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